Patriarchal Dysfunctional Families, Part 2

This is part 2 of a series on cloistered homeschoolers I posted in the Homeschool Alumni forums.  Thanks, Darcy, for posting the second half.  It is so true.

Here is the article:  Below are a few quotes I found excellent:

 I am convinced that this “Patriarchal” evil disguised as righteousness will be disposed of by simply dragging it into the light. The facts are too embarrassing and shameful for this pretense to continue. Many have continued to be faithful to their patriarchal precepts in spite of the many indications of failure, convincing themselves that their poor family experience is the exception. They plod on in blind faith trying to do better, but they blame their failure on their children, accusing them of worldliness and rebellion. When things don’t work out like the model they have been presented, they shut the door tighter against the world outside, not realizing that their failure is visible to the whole world, and is actually a universal side effect of a very bad idea.
    There has been a sacred hush over the exalted doctrine of the patriarchal family. None dare question a system that stands for a recovery of Biblical values and promises to restore the family to a Christian culture. The headline is respectable and is innocent-sounding enough—Patriarchal Family. After all, doesn’t the Bible tell us that the husband is the head of the woman and of his house and that children are to obey their parents?
    I understand the motivation of the Patriarchal authors and purveyors. The crumbling of the Christian culture calls for radical solutions. The church is in desperate need to be reconstructed in accordance with the Word and the Spirit. The world seeps into our children like cold air into a log cabin in a Montana blizzard. Righteous parents are desperate for a solution. They looked for a scriptural means of correcting the problem, but believed a “Hath God said” partial truth—now clearly proven to be a lie.
    The Patriarchal/Extended Family movement has been around long enough to demonstrate its bankruptcy. It is time to lay it aside and go back to the old-fashioned Holy Spirit-filled family—a family “in the world” ministering, but not “of the world.” These true families are overcomers, not barricaded babies. They are militant godly witnesses of the gospel of Jesus Christ, not fearful, isolated survivors of an evil and intimidating culture.

Another excellent quote:

    Jesus gives us a clear example of what it means to honor your parents. He was speaking to grown men in positions of spiritual leadership who found a loophole in the Jewish law which permitted them to abdicate their responsibility to care for their aging parents. They took their savings and, as it were, put it in an account labeled: “Dedicated to God.” Having done that, they couldn’t access it to spend on their needy parents. No doubt after the parents were dead, the money would be transferred to a retirement account for themselves.

Not honoring is:
•    Cursing parents (Matthew 15:4).
•    Withholding financial support (Matthew 15:5).
•    Not doing for them when they are in need (Mark 7:12).
There is no mention of descendants obeying their parents—never.

Honor is:
•    Being kindly affectionate (Romans 12:10).
•    Seeking the good of the other (Romans 12:10—“preferring one another”).
•    Respecting the office or position of a person (Romans 13:7).
•    Bestowing more honor than their level of gifts suggest (1 Corinthians 12:23).

Bottom Line.
Ephesians 6:1 Children, [Those being brought up—Ephesians 6:4] obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
2 Honour [Obedience and honor are separate issues.] thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)
3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. [Children, the ones who are to obey their parents, are being brought up—not yet adults.]
5 Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters [Parents are not masters; they are mentors, and children are not servants.] according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ;

Obedience and honor are separate issues.
We know this to be true because:
•    The words are spelled differently.
•    They are never used interchangeably.
•    The context in which they are used demonstrates a clear distinction.
•    A distinction is made the only time the two words appear in close proximity.
 (Ephesians 6:1–5). Children who are being brought up are to obey their parents (6:1). All are to honor their fathers and mothers (6:2). And servants are to be obedient to their masters (6:5). Different words, different meanings, different applications. It is all in the Word of God, but kept carefully separated and distinct from each other.
1 Peter 2:13–14 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.
    The language used here when commanding us to submit to government is conspicuously absent in those passages addressing the honoring of one’s parents.

Another trend I find disturbing is matriarchy – the situation where the wife controls virtually everything – from the finances, to the schedule, to the education choices, to where to go to church, to what events to attend – everything.  There’s something wrong with that picture – it needs to be a team effort.  The husband shouldn’t be a domineering person, intent on micromanaging every little thing, and neither should the wife be manipulating and scheming to get her husband to do her every little bidding – there needs to be a balance.


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